On Saturday there was an article in The Telegraph about the concept of Parenting and how there is a multi million pound industry telling us exactly how to do it. That is, how to parent. This industry includes programmes, websites, books - there must be thousands of books, magazines, government advice, and, something I didn't know, you can get coached on how to be a good or better parent along with institutes, academies and classes.
When I had my son over six years ago, I read the books, I read the magazines and I read the websites. However well meaning they're all trying to be (and actually I liked the magazine articles on mums and how they coped with stuff, I found these more useful than the experts) there is no way you can follow all of the advice. They contradict each other, sometimes contradicting themselves and there is always something new coming along (like the current rage for baby led weaning).
So six years ago, I didn't know what I was doing. I bought various books (throwing one across the room if I remember rightly) but for me (and I must stress that, for me) I'm sure all of this information overload about how I should parent added to my feelings of failure. Now my post natal depression is something I've mentioned before. I'm not ashamed of it, but I know, looking back some three or four years later since I've recovered, I can see there were lots of contributing factors towards it. My birth experience, moving house, feeling isolated were all factors. But I also think another part was the amount of information out there. I was a woman of the new millenium. What did I do if I didn't know the answer? I googled it.
If you're feeling a little unsure, if you're a good few miles away from your nearest family, if you don't know many people in the local area and if you are so traumatised from the birth you can't think straight, then this information was going to be overload. My mum (a former midwife) often said my generation knew too much.
At the moment my daughter is teething. She is clingy, not going to sleep very well, and waking in the night. Before I would have scoured the internet looking for advice. I would have done the controlled crying, the reassuring, the pottering around so she can see me. Before I didn't know what to do for the best and in the end did it completely wrong (I can see this now). This time however, I'm doing what comes naturally.
I'm using my mothering instincts. They may be deeply buried inside me somewhere, but they are there.
And I'm going to trust them.